I didn't get a Harrumph out of that guy...

...so said Governor Lepetomane in Blazing Saddles.

To play in the Senior Vets Essex League this season you had to be born no later than 1974 and 45 years before his impeachment, Mel Brooks lampooned Donald Trump's modern day presidency in the proudly politically-incorrect comedy western that held a mirror up the madness of many.

Subordinate Sheriffs in the satirical smash hit, had to show their approval of their Lothario leader's lunatic plan by vocalising nondescript noises - Harrumphing. So with the Gaffer laid up nursing his knackered knee, he took time to ruin the player's New Year Eve celebrations by sharing his strategy for the Semi Final and season ahead... all 13 pages of positions, problems, as well as Plans B & C if Plan A doesn't work.

Football means (to me) enjoying yourself and winning games. They go hand-in-hand. For all of the reasons spoken about before, we have had to hit the ground running this year and play catch-up on the areas we would have liked to work on in the Summer, but never had the chance. So with a little success under our belts so far and the lure of greater things to come, it was an opportunity to offer my thoughts on how we could make the next step from already doubling our performance of last year through to tripling the points tally and a final under the floodlights. Over the top for group of old men? Perhaps, but as the Cheshire Cat once proclaimed "If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."

Yes we can all show up on a Saturday, but that only wins us friends not football matches. With virtually no time to train together as of yet, putting in to practice has to come on the field of play. Not everything will work, we will need some luck and most importantly we need some Harrumphing. I certainly do not want "Yes Men" but definitely need "Let's try this men." The impressive thing about Klopp's Liverpool is the collegiate attitude, ability for individuals to offer ideas & take responsibility and the team is about more than just turning up. So with reading matter read, we begin the next stage of development away at Newport on Saturday, all bar Johnny "More holidays than Judith Chalmers" Crocker, a select few with personal commitments and the shortening injury list (unless Double D has pulled his hammy whilst attempting an unauthorised Highland Fling at a Hogmonay Hoedown). Starting positions are up for grabs all over the park as we return from a 6 week lay-off and the Semi Final in sight. Additional XXL shirts have been ordered to accommodate short-term challenges in the waistline area and a pair of Small shorts have been procured for Babs so he does have to hold his up whilst running. Making a debut alongside the new Training Tops is Molty now that he has reached the ripe old age of 45 and recovered from his Christmas night out with the Lads in Stortford.

Last words belong to the Gaffer and taking his cue from Hedy Lamarr... err I mean Hedley "Now go do the Voodoo that you do so well!"

Please remember that all matches will kick off 60 secs late, as we support the Heads Up from the FA. A minute of silence before a match to reflect on how we open up about improving mental health in men, might sound counterproductive as we spend the next 90 reverting to Alpha Male Athlete attitude. However 5 on that pitch (and more on the touchline) will have had a tough time in 2019, so let us use our time wisely, with and without the ball, to help our teammates win this challenge.